(but seriously, it’s Cinderella)
Have you seen the new movie Cinderella?
I had the pleasure of seeing Cinderella at the cinema with a dear friend. (For some reason the boys just didn’t want to see this one.)
I loved the movie, Helena Bonham Carter, Cate Blanchett, the sets, the costumes and that dress Cinderella wears to the ball. The dress is almost a character itself. Can’t think why the blokes didn’t want to see it.
I loved it, but a scene towards the end came across all wrong.
Now I am fascinated with forgiveness, so can you guess what had me making a sour face?
Yes, its the scene where Cinderella is leaving her family home with the prince. Cinderella turns around and addresses her (evil) stepmother. She says “I forgive you.”
No anger, no frustration, no talk of what her step mother has done. Just Cinderella saying “I forgive you” in a superior tone.
Seriously, Cinderella? “I forgive you???”
Cinderella, I do not believe you. This feels like false, shallow or “mock” forgiveness. Not real or radical forgiveness.
Real forgiveness, in my experience, is about new clarity, understanding and change in thinking by the person doing the forgiving. And Cinderella, I don’t see how you have really changed in any way.
In fact, Cinderella, in my experience, when you change your external situation without changing your internal thinking, you will find someone else to make you feel the way your stepmother made you feel.
All you’ve really changed, Cinders, is your dress.
Cinderella, your mother told you to be courageous and kind. I believe one of the most courageous things you can do is to face the “ugly” feelings inside you and confront those in power.
And the kindest thing to do can sometimes be to tell someone they’re being cruel and unreasonable and to not put up with their shit. Set boundaries on how you will be treated and stick to it.
Being courageous and kind does not have to mean being a doormat. Forgiving someone doesn’t mean you put up with their shit. Forgiveness is understanding how and why you created the situation, healing, setting boundaries, and knowing the situation has changed for the better.
Cinderella, I wish you all the best in your new life with the Prince, but I hope over time you will find real forgiveness. The path there can be full of ugly feelings and emotions that need to be healed, but the freedom forgiveness gives is more than worth it.
What do you think? Do you agree with me or have I misread the situation?
Sending this out with love,